How To Convince Your Partner To Support Your Keto Diet

Ask Theresa is an advice column by Theresa Link. A Virta Health Coach since 2015 and a loyal follower of the ketogenic lifestyle, Theresa is a Registered Dietitian who is an expert in living a metabolically-healthy life. 

In this week's column, Theresa digs into the family drama that can pop up when one spouse isn't on board with the other's dietary changes. She talks about how important it is to have support for making big lifestyle shifts and shares tips on having open chats, setting boundaries, and finding common ground to keep things chill at home. With these strategies, you can chase your health goals without all the fuss.

❓Question:

Theresa,

I've been dealing with yo-yo dieting for years and just signed up for Virta. But honestly, I'm nervous about making changes to my eating habits. My spouse has a habit of undermining my efforts with comments like, "Why are you doing this again? You always lose weight and then gain it back, so what's the point?" Dinner time is especially tough. If I mention cutting out pasta, rice, or potatoes, it turns into a big argument. How do I stand up for myself without creating more tension at home?

Sincerely,
Hesitant in Houston

👩🏻‍💻 Theresa:

Dear Hesitant,

That is really tough. As I’m sure you know, with any major life change, social support is really critical and can be a game changer, influencing whether you’re successful in the long run. I completely understand why you might be feeling hesitant right now, given that past attempts have led to arguments with your spouse. Dinner time is supposed to feel like together time, not something you have to survive! 

It's important to recognize that making a significant change, like adjusting your diet, affects not only you but your spouse as well. You might not be able to share the same meals as before, which can feel like a loss – especially if shared meals have been important to both of you. Your spouse might also feel a sense of rejection, thinking you no longer enjoy or appreciate their cooking. Without understanding their perspective, you risk creating tension and possibly resentment in your relationship. Open communication and empathy are key to navigating this change together smoothly.

Here are five tips to help navigate this sticky situation:

1. Chat Openly: Before you make a switch, have a calm and honest conversation with your spouse about your health goals and why they are important to you. Tell them that you want to go on Virta, and acknowledge that may impact the way meals are handled going forward. Express how their past comments about your diet have affected your motivation, and how critical their understanding and support is to helping you achieve your goals.
   
   
   1. Pro tip: don’t attempt to have the conversation while you’re making dinner. The underlying tension will more likely lead to defensiveness and finger pointing rather than understanding. Instead, choose a time when you both can focus on the conversation.
   2. Example: “I’d like to talk with you about my health goals and some changes I’d like to make. Can we set aside time to talk about this?”
      
2. Set Boundaries: Clearly outline your dietary needs and boundaries. Explain that these changes are crucial for your health and ask for their cooperation during meal planning and preparation.
   
   
   1. Pro tip: make sure to express that you don’t expect your spouse to change what they are eating. This is a change you are making for yourself. Use “I” statements like “I need” or “I feel”
   2. Example: “I’m not asking you to change what you’re eating. I’m starting Virta  so I can feel my best”
      
3. Establish a timeline: be upfront about when you plan to make this change
   
   
   1. Pro tip: don’t surprise your spouse with these changes. Instead, talk about when you’d like to start and what you need to do first (plan out meals, grocery shop, prep)
   2. Example: “I’d like to start making this change on Sunday. First, I need to do some grocery shopping and map out some nightly dinners. Why don’t we talk about how we might make modifications for us both?”
      
4. Seek Compromise: Find middle ground in meal planning. You can cook meals that include elements both of you enjoy. Or prepare alternatives for yourself, ensuring each meal caters to both your dietary needs and preferences.
   
   
   1. Pro tip: if you regularly eat a protein, veggie, and starch, you can skip the starch and double up on veggies. You can also turn any sandwich into a salad for yourself. Your spouse can continue to eat the starchy foods if they want.
   2. Some meals, like casseroles and soups, aren't as simple to modify and might require making separate versions—one for you and one for your spouse. By discussing in advance the possibility of preparing different versions of favorites like meatloaf, chili, beef and noodle casserole, or Shepherd’s pie, you can ensure your spouse feels their preferences are not only considered, but valued as well.
      
5. Stay calm: Your spouse might initially react negatively, but it's important not to argue.
   
   
   1. Pro tip: Practice the conversation with a friend. If you find yourself getting frustrated, take a beat and do some deep breathing. This will help you avoid escalating the situation.
   2. Example: If they ask, "Why are you doing this again? You always lose weight and gain it back," respond with: "I understand, but this is important to me. I’m avoiding pasta, rice, and potatoes for my health goals." If needed, repeat with, "I hear you, but I’m still making this change." If the situation continues to escalate, it’s best to simply stop responding altogether and allow your spouse to cool off. Recognize that you cannot control how they respond – only how you respond.

By approaching the situation with empathy and a focus on collaboration, you can work towards achieving your health goals with minimal tension at home.

Need more tips and scripts on how to navigate a well-formulated ketogenic diet? Virta can help!

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